Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Poetry From Yester-years

I have been going through all my old "memory" boxes for a blog post that I am working on. As I was going through all of them I found quite a bit of poetry. I figured I would share a couple poems with you, enjoy!

Someone Once Told Me (2003)

someone once told me to write from my heart, I already did.
Someone once told me never to do drugs, I never did.
Someone once told me never to argue, I said that was my best subject. 
Someone once told me not to push my luck, I already had.
But once, someone told me I was stupid, and no one wanted me because I was adopted, I just cried.

Like Him (2003)

I wish I could write like him.
I wish I had the passion to see how he sees.
I wish I had the courage to act the way he does.
I wish I were brave enough to ask like him.
I wish I could feel pain and sorrow the way he does.
Is it fair that he could be so perfect when I have so many flaws?

Love and Hugs,

Saturday, January 26, 2013

OK, I Admit It!

So I keep seeing these "OK, I Admit It" posts, and I decided I wanted to do one too! Here I go:

OK, I admit it, I have a serious love affair with prunes. They are awesome!

OK, I admit it, I ask a lot of questions, they are never stupid though, I actually really want to know the answer..

OK, I admit it, I am sorry for everything. Things that aren't my fault, things that are my fault, everything!

Conversations sometimes go like this:

"Oh, Kevin, what happened?"  
"I fell and broke my spleen."
"I'm so sorry"
"Why are you sorry, you didn't break it?"
"I just am"

Haha... Yes... I am sorry about everything! 

OK, I admit it, I have become a major chocoholic. It is an addiction that I am working on!

OK, I admit it, every time I make coffee I mix the grounds in. It doesn't matter what I do to try and not get grounds in the coffee, it still happens.... Always!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Letters to my Former Single Self

This weeks Question:

What did you think about dating and relationships when you were little?  
What do you think of them now?

Dear Adolescent/teenage Sara,

Its me, well, you, from the future! 

When you were really really young, maybe around 5 you always figured relationships were like the movies, the prince would come and pull you onto the back of his horsey and you would ride off into the sunset! 

Do you remember your first crush? Of course you remember Justin, you could never, and will never forget him. Remember all the plans you had for your lives? You both were going to move to Japan and he was going to be a martial arts instructor? You both were so cute in your innocent years. I'm sorry things fell apart between you both a few years ago, but trust me, even though you are still hurting it was for the best, don't hold a grudge! 

I was reading through some of our old journal entries the other day, I saw a lot of entries that read something like this "I really wonder if Josh likes me" or "Zach is so nice, I wouldn't deserve to have a boyfriend like him because I'm such a B**** to every one!" (which is true you are, but, you have a lot of barriers and walls up because you have been hurt by so many people).  You didn't know much about relationships or dating, you didn't even know what someone did on a date. Yes, you saw the people holding hands and kissing at school, and that's what you thought a relationship and dating someone was, just hanging out with someone of the opposite sex and holding hands and kissing.  

Your first real boyfriend Anthony, well, he was awesome, he also broke your heart, ha ha, sad story. I'm sorry I'm making fun of you, I should be nicer... No, never mind, its who we are.. Anyways, he was the one who taught you how relationships should be, he did a terrible job, sorry about that. 

Over the years since Anthony, I have gained valuable information on relationships and dating. Remember that everything happens for a reason and to never stop loving yourself! Here's some advice:

Take time to "date" don't rush into a relationship, there is no need to rush into anything! The guy that god has for you will wait and treat you right.

You know mom and dads "No dating until you are 16 rule"? Listen to it, its a really good rule!

Don't let boys get in the way of school, you can't get high school back!

Pray (I know you don't really believe in God right now, but seek him anyways) for your future dates, and relationships. Pray for yourself and for your future husband. Philippians 4:6 says Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell god what you need and thank him for all he has done. So do just that!

Be true to yourself, if you cant be you with the person whom you are with then they are not the right person for you. If they have nothing in common with you, then they probably are not the person for you. 

Its OK to say "Goodbye, its over"!

Don't look for someone to rescue you, you rescue yourself!

Relationships are hard work, but so worth it!

Lastly, you are amazing, sweet, kind, beautiful, and funny. Your smile is so infectious, show off that dimple! Never settle for anyone who dulls your sparkle, you are worth so, so, so much more then that!

I love you,
Your 26 year old self!

I hope many of you are doing this link up also! I cant wait to see what others have said!

Love and Hugs,

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Love/Hate Relationships

5 things I love currently:

1. Crocheting and Yarn- this has become a major addiction lately! Like way worse then before, Its so bad I need to organize my yarn closet... Yes, my yarn stash has its own closet!

2. Fox's Tuesday night line up Raising Hope, Ben and Kate, New Girl, and The Mindy Project.

3. God.. I love God, I have this relationship with him now that I have never had before. I owe it all to a good friend of mine, I can never thank him enough(you know who you are, thank you if you ever read this). Before I was just going through the motions, now I know Him, its amazing, He's amazing, I could go on for paragraphs, I will spare you though.

4. Blogging. In a recent devotion I posted on my church's Facebook page I said "I want to inspire people, I want to be the reason someone starts something, doesn't give up, or makes a change. I want to make people smile and laugh. I want to impact people's lives! "  And through this Blog I am doing just that!

5. Journaling! Every type, I have about 10 journals going right now, all are for different things, well except for 3 but that's a long story. I will have a post coming up about all my journaling in the next few weeks..

5 things that I hate:

1. My recent love-affair with sweets. I could probably drop a bunch of weight if I could just lay off doe a bit.

2. That my I-Pizzle (ipod, I nicknamed him. I am odd I do realize this) is broke-dizzle! Haha, OK I will stop that!

3. That my baby sister is homeless, please pray for her, she is super lost.

4. That one human being can be so hurtful, horrid, or cruel to another. It just saddens me to no end...

5. Talk radio. Lets just say, I gagged in my car today because of the nasty-ness I heard this morning!

Share! What is on your list?

Love and Hugs,

Monday, January 21, 2013

Being Bullied

There has been a lot of talk about people being bullied lately. I have seen numerous articles and newscasts regarding bullying. Teenagers who have ignored it, teenagers who killed themselves because of it, teenagers who are fighting back against it. I fear though that people think that bullying is "new", this is definitely is not true, it is just getting more media attention now then it has in the past. I graduated from high school about 9 years ago, bullying was just as present then as it is now. Maybe more present because it wasn't as known about as it is now. I know this, because, I was a victim, I was bullied every single school day of my 4 years in high school. I hated high school, I didn't want to go because when I did I suffered. 

My freshman year of high school I was nominated for homecoming court as a joke. This was the first and only time I "fought back" against the bullying. I participated in everything the homecoming court nominees do, the rally's and spirit week stuff. I wasn't going to let "them" get to me. I got a pretty skirt and shirt to wear, and I wore my smile proudly. I knew I wouldn't win, but I didn't let anyone get me down. I loved it. My neighbor's daughter Kristin did my makeup for the day, and I remember feeling pretty special. 

I don't really remember what changed, but I lost that "fight" I had shortly after homecoming. 

Before school, breaks, and lunches were spent "hiding" in classrooms. I would do homework or just sit there bored because that was better then leaving the room and hearing my peers poke fun at me. I would often hear; "Boom, Boom, Boom", "Whale", "Earthquake!", or "MOOO" when I walked by. There were three people who stick out in my brain, they treated me the worst, the two boys "C" and "J" and one girl "E".  In Jr year a mutual friend of "E" and mine moved back from another state, "E" tried to convince her to be mean to me, thankfully my friend said "No, shes never done anything mean to me" and wouldn't join in on the bullying.

Because of the bullying I didn't go to my junior or senior proms, I never went to clubs, I never went to the mall, and I didn't take class trips (excluding a band/choir trip). I grew thick skin(yet weak all the same) and I offended people, I let people "use" me, and I tried way to hard, I overcompensated. 

The bullying I received in high school has had lasting effects, difficulty making friends, depression, anxiety.
 I still get used, and I still offend people even though I try my hardest not to. I am no longer the depressed individual I used to be, but I am still very damaged.  

If I could tell someone being bullied anything, it would be "You are not alone, I love you and I am here for you, it doesn't have to be this way!" I would encourage them to speak with an adult about it. I would encourage them to fight back, not with mean words or weapons, but with a smile on your face.

Love and Hugs,
Even through the tough stuff,

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Random thoughts of the week

Welcome to Sara's Random Thoughts of the Week, I was thinking of doing this weekly, but maybe thats to much. Anyways, it's just a collection of random thoughts that I felt like sharing yet didn't want to bog Facebook down with.
  • I'm fasting Starbucks, and dining out for 10 more days. I contemplated going to panama red for an iced coffee this morning. The more I think about it though, I kinda realize I'm fasting Starbucks, I gave that up for God, and if I am replacing it with Panama Red I am not truly fasting. At least in the case of Starbucks/panama red.

  • So, sad random fact about me: I always have food in my purse, currently I have prunes, trail mix bars, pistachios, a Lara bar, a banana and applesauce. You never know when you(or someone else) might need to eat.

  • 3 things, I think I am wearing men's socks, I was to lazy to wash my hair so I put it in a 2 layer ponytail and pinned my bangs back, and I am wearing the same clothes I wore last night(new underpants of course though) because I only wore them for a few hours and they were still clean.

Haha, Hope you totally enjoyed that and got a good laugh in!

Love and Hugs,

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Wow! 15 Followers

Hey guys and gals! 
I just noticed that there are 15 of you following my blog! 
That's amazing! I started this blog for me, and the fact that there are 15 of you out there reading the totally random things that come out of my brain, well, its awesome! I hope you all continue to follow my blog.

Lets celebrate with 15 random things that happened to me today...

1. My dog threw up all over me/the floor (thank goodness she missed the bed) at 2 this am.
2. I had a doctors appointment (clean bill of health YAY)
3. My doctor ordered me a blood serum pregnancy test (No, I didn't get it done. No, I am not pregnant)
4. I went to the store to get tomato sauce today.
5. While at the store I dropped tomato sauce on myself. (short people problems)
6. I cooked chili for my church's family night
7. I dance bombed Arthur ((the youth pastor at my church) I am pretty sure he had no idea)
8. I didn't eat the turkey chili I cooked for everyone else. I had chicken tikka masala that I made.

Wow, coming up with 15 things seems kinda tough..

9. I put on a pair of pants that I bought over the summer thinking they still wouldn't fit. Well they do.
10. I had bacon and cookies for desert
11. I drank a chia seed drink.(these are so yummy, you should drink one too.)
12. I wrote a post about praying for our pastors and posted it on my churches facebook page
13. I opened a blog lovin account (technically I may have done this yesterday)
14. I hacked someones Facebook, well sorta... (they think I am awesome! lol)
15. I reached 15 GFC Followers!

Love and Hugs,

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

How Weight Loss Surgery Changed My Life

I wrote this blog post on December 9th 2011, just over a year ago. I am going to write edits to my story in pink(some things change over time), I hope you enjoy! If you get squeamish, skip paragraph 6!

The most challenging experience I have had so far, is having had weight loss surgery or WLS (I would no longer say "the most". Having WLS was hard, however, having a miscarriage and the resulting depression because of it was just as hard, if not harder). I have had to relearn how to eat and I am having to learn how to exercise. I may never love it, however, in order to succeed in this journey I will have to do it(I love exercise and eating isnt that dificult if I follow the rules my surgeon set for me). I have learned the true causes of my weight gain. I have one of the finickiest pouches, and I get sick a lot(not so much anymore, well as long as I, again, follow the rules). I have also learned that if I want to succeed I need to do what I need to do to get there, that means take my vitamins, drink my water, eat my protein, along with getting my exercise.

I wasn't always fat. Thinking back I started gaining weight, lots of it, around eight years of age. I got sick that summer, and I couldn't do what healthy kids did best, play. Of course after spending all summer sedentary, a habit formed, and stayed. Eventually I got bored of just sitting on the couch looking at the television, and needed something else to occupy my time. Enter food, my dads chips, the spaghetti ingredients sitting in the cupboard, leftovers, cookies, soda. If it was edible, well edible and appetizing, it went down my throat and into the abyss of my stomach. The habit of shoveling food into myself remained well after I met my husband. I can remember driving to see him I would stop and buy a bag of chips, no, not a small one, a big one. The full family size bags of chips, and I would inhale that on the 15 minute drive, then quickly discard the evidence before we were together. When we got married we decided we wanted to start a family right away. My doctor referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist because I had some fertility issues. The reproductive endocrinologist told me “at 300 lbs I cannot safely get you pregnant, you and the baby will more likely die if I were to get you pregnant.” My heart sank. He then said, “come back and see me when you are closer to 200 lbs.” I was crushed. I thought ‘fat people have babies every day, he is lying to me!‘ Today I realize he did me a huge favor, I will never be able to repay him for that.

A couple of months after the reproductive endocrinologist told me he wasn't willing to help me get pregnant, I was volunteering at the Global Success Center, and I met a woman named Angie. She was always bringing cookies and cakes and brownies, and of course, I did what fat girls did best, I ate them. One day she explained why she did this, she said “I can't eat this stuff anymore because I had gastric bypass surgery, but I love to bake for people.” That night I went home and started doing research on gastric bypass surgery. I found many people on YouTube who were vlogging about their surgery journeys and experiences. I discussed WLS with my husband, but he insisted I didn't need it. However, I knew that I did, and the next day I made an appointment with my primary care doctor who referred me to see the bariatric surgeons.

I had my first visit/orientation on April 7th 2009, about 3 weeks after the appointment with my primary care doctor. It was at this orientation that my husband saw that surgery was my best option. The nurse who was running the orientation and the dietitian told us “The pre-op diet starts today, everything you lose from now until that first doctors appointment counts toward the total weight you will need to lose to have surgery.” I took that to heart and I did start my pre-op diet that night. By the first appointment I had with my surgeon, 1 month later, I had lost 7 lbs of the 23 he had asked me to lose.

I was terrified of having surgery, terrified of the breathing tube, the catheter, and also the "stabbing" I would undoubtedly endure as they tried to find a vein. But mostly I was afraid to die. The day of surgery I was "stabbed" 3 times before they got a vein that would hold up. I can still vividly remember sitting on the gurney outside the operating room thinking “I can still change my mind, right now I still can, I don’t have to do this.”. I also got a catheter and a breathing tube that day. The breathing tube I have no memory of, and the catheter, well not so much either. My recovery was fairly quick, I was back to normal before the end of the week. I was one of the luckier ones in that aspect.

Now, unfortunately, not everything can be as perfect as a Calla Lilly. I throw up a lot(again, not so much any more, now I get more nauseated and just an overall ick feeling). Like I mentioned earlier, I have one of the finickiest pouches. When I throw up I cry, therefore, I really hate throwing up. Who am I kidding, I am sure everyone hates throwing up. There are many reasons things that will cause me to throw up, dumping syndrome is by far the worst reason. Dumping syndrome is a reaction that the body has to sugar after weight loss surgery. When “dumping” I get hot flashes. Flushed, sweaty, pain in every muscle in my body, racing heart, heart palpitations, headache, stomach ache, and a really uncomfortable feeling. Always ending in throwing up and being extremely weak and tired (now I usually dry heave instead of throw up). I always remind myself I am one of the lucky ones, most WLS patients don’t get dumping syndrome. Dumping isn't the only WLS side effect I have, though. I am also losing my hair, that should stop in a month or so, and I have a thiamine deficiency.(I still feel like I am losing more hair then I should, but hey, I am not bald yet! lol and I am no longer deficient in thiamine. I do however have iron deficiency. This has been a fun one(NOT) I have had 2 iron infusions, and thankfully my iron is holding its own, flip flopping between low normal and low.)

I have been told by my best friend that I cheated, and my family (mother and brother) have told me I took the easy way out. When someone says to me that I took the easy way out I ask them “what’s easy about having surgery, what’s easy about throwing up almost everyday (at a point I was), what’s easy about anything I am doing to gain my life back?” When someone tells me I cheated I say “yes, I did. I cheated death, because I could have died, weighing 286 lbs, having surgery could have killed me but it didn't ” I don’t know if these people are speaking out of jealousy or not, but I had the opportunity to change my life, and I took it. It is a journey, it is a climb. I will forever be a different person because of it!

I don’t know what the future holds for me, I don’t want to know either. Having weight loss surgery has taught me that no matter where I go or what I do, I have the tools and the knowledge to be just fine. It has taught me that I can make grown up decisions and be my own person. I have learned even though people think that I took the easy way out or cheated, I didn't  Nothing about having WLS is easy, I have to work for every pound I lose, if I don’t I will gain it right back. I don’t know that I will ever be able to have kids, but hopefully I will. I don’t know that I will make it to my goal of 130 lbs(I think it is odd that I put a goal weight here, I don't ever remember setting one), but I am sure going to try! I have learned that if I want to succeed I need to stop being my own worst enemy. Most importantly, I have learned that the Lord is with me, and with Him I can do anything.

Love and Hugs,

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Be Thankful!

Here's a question for you:
Could you thank God for the bad things as well as the good? 
Its easy to thank God for all the good things, but, what if you had a miscarriage?

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Says 
Always be Joyful
Never stop praying
Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you, who belong to Christ Jesus

Up until a few days ago I would have said "Yes, I can thank go for the bad as well as the good", and while it wouldn't have been a lie, it wouldn't really be the truth either. I wasn't very convincing to myself, and if I couldn't even convince myself, then surely I wasn't convincing God. 

On Tuesday I was praying, and I was praying really hard, probably the hardest I have ever prayed. I am talking snot dripping out of my nose, crying hard(sorry, TMI, I am sure). When I was done praying I opened up my bible app on my cellphone and the above scripture is what I saw. Within the next few minutes I realized I had heard this verse before but as "in everything give thanks". "In everything give thanks" that right there was the piece of scripture that made me start praying to God and thanking him for my miscarriage. While I thought about that for a few minutes I realized I was looking at it wrong, and God gave me a new perspective on how I was thanking him.
 Instead of praying  "Lord God, Thank you for my miscarriage." I should be praying "Lord God, Thank you so much for letting me be a mother, even though I cannot hold my our precious child in my arms right now, one day, I will. I cannot wait for that day!"

Maybe you have lost a loved one recently, I have, and instead of praying "Thank you Lord for letting my Grandpa die" I should be praying "Thank you Lord for allowing me 26 years with my grandpa, thank you for ending his suffering!"

Its hard to be thankful for some things, but know that this is all part of Gods will for you. This happened for a reason. I hope this post helps someone out there.

Love and Hugs,

Friday, January 11, 2013

21 Days of Prayer and Fasting

This year I have decided to participate in the 21 days of prayer and fasting along with my church. I have never done it before although I have wanted to. I just wasn't willing to give something up for God for 3 weeks. I have done a lot of growing over the last year, a lot of praying. There are a lot of not so great things going on in my life right now, I knew I needed to give something up for God, I want to know Him, to love Him more then anything or anyone else. So I planned. I planned to do the Daniel fast, the Daniel fast is pretty much just fruits and vegetables. 

When I brought up the Daniel fast with my parents they pretty much told me it was a bad idea, which, if I were honest with myself I would have known that. I have very high protein requirements, I definitely would not have been able to meet on a fruit and veggie fast. I decided I would modify it and add chicken, fish, milk, cheese, and protein powder. I then realized though that I wasn't truly fasting anything since I barely eat red meat as it is. I thought about other things I could fast for 3 weeks, what immediately came to my mind was eating out and Starbucks. I gave up eating out and Starbucks for 3 weeks starting January 6th. So far 6 days in I feel great, I will admit, I really wanted to go out for soup the other day because I didn't feel like cooking, I remained strong though, I went to the store and got the ingredients to make myself soup.

I am hoping I learn a lot about God and myself during this fast. I have some very personal challenges going on and I have been seeking and praying for help and guidance in the situation(s). God has already been working in/on me. I will be sharing that in another post maybe for Sunday or Monday. Be looking forward to it! 

I hope you are all doing wonderful! 

Love and Hugs,

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Computer Problems and an ER Visit

Wow, I feel terrible, I start this blog with all these grand plans, and I'm already failing. Our Internet has not been working for about a week, and then I spent Tuesday night in the ER after I passed out trying to get into my car at church. No worries I am fine, it was just a combination of dehydration and pain from a workout that I had done earlier that day. I apologize for my absence and I will do my best to get some things up ASAP. I might have to go and torture myself by sitting in Starbucks, while fasting Starbucks to do it. Haha more on that soon! Hope you are all doing well!

Love and Hugs,

Thursday, January 3, 2013

A Few Tips

I have a segment on my YouTube channel called "Tip Tuesdays", I haven't filmed any in a while, however I will be starting to make them again.  I wanted to share the ones I have filmed with you all though. Hope they can help you!

Pesky pet hair problems?

Need to soften your butter fast?

Secure your purse, yo!

Shred chicken quick!

Love and Hugs,

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Years Resolutions

I am not really one to make resolutions, I never stick to them. I am however a goal setter and I am pretty good at accomplishing those goals. So my goals are:

  • No fast food for 2 months, I did one month last year, I am sure I can do 2 months. It takes a lot of planning, and nothing too spur of the moment.
  • 2 grande Starbucks drinks a week, if I want something else I make it at home.
  • Do the Daniel fast modified for me, I will be doing a blog post about how I am modifying it, and specifically what I will be doing.
  • Complete my home binder/calendar this week.

So there it is, short and to the point. I will do updates on all these things as I complete them or as they progress. Especially the home binder/calendar I am proud of that and I really want to share it.

What are your goals or resolutions for 2013?

Love and Hugs,