Life Changes

I haven't written in nearly a year. A lot has changed in that time, I don't even know where to begin. I guess I can start with this. I used to be unhappy, I felt like I was dying more and more every day, I wanted to die. I didn't know what to do to be happy. I kept begging god to help me find happiness and it wasn't happening. I tried finding things to make me happy and it wasn't happening. Finally I made a decision that I knew I needed to make to change things, a decision that would make me happy. I decided to leave my husband, to leave the only thing I'd known for the last 8 and a half years of my life. 

Leaving Kevin was one of the hardest decisions of my life, it wasn't some spur of the moment decision, it was something that I thought so long and so hard about, I prayed about my marriage and everything that was going on for years. I tried for so long, so, so long, and nothing was changing, I had changed and nothing changed to make things better and my unhappiness grew. 

I am now living at my parents house with them, and I am working and I am dating this amazing guy, I am happier then I have ever been, I honestly wonder if it is possible to be more happy, although I can think of tons of things that could make me happier so I am guessing the answer to that is yes. 

So now, whats next? 

I don't know, but honestly I cant wait to see what life has in store for me. I don't know how often I will update, and I am making no promises, I guess we will find out.

2014 Goals

Product Review: Eat keenwa krunch

         

About a month ago I saw Eat Keenwa Krunch mentioned in a VLOG, immediately I was intrigued, I am a major quinoa lover, and I knew I needed to try it. Having no clue where to even look for the product I reached out to the company on twitter and asked if they offered samples. They replied and said they did, and would send some out to me. 

They sent me all 3 flavors, vanilla almond raisin, cinnemon banana strawberry, and walnut date agave. I opend each bag and tried them right away, and well, I am in love. At first they reminded me of a nature valley granola bar, I love those too, but stopped eating them because they weren't all that good for me. I tried Eat Keenwa Krunch on its own, and over yogurt, although they were a great substitute for the regular granola, I preferred them on their own . I pop them in a baggie and take them with me for an on the go snack. You could also put them in a bowl, pour some milk over them and have them as cereal. Basically eat them any way you woulda eat granola..  

 Eat Keenwa Krunch retails for 4.99 per bag or 14.95 for a pack of all 3 flavors.

Their website: www.eatkeenwa.com

Note: Eat Keenwa Krunch did send me theses products to try, however all opinions are my own.

October 2013 Goals

I am excited to start doing monthly goals again! I am late with this month, but I figure it is better late then never, right? Haha.. So I taped the goals paper to my closet door, that way it is right there for me to see each day, hopefully that, along with writing about it here on the bloggity help keep me accountable.

So here's why I have chosen the goals I have:

1 30 minute walk per day- I put this on because it's really not fair for me to not take Lucy for a walk each day. She loves it, and so do I, the fresh air is awesome for us, and so is the exercise.

Exercise 3x per week(1 hour minimum)- I used to go gung-ho at the gym 5 days a week for 3 hours a day... Then I got sick, then I got pregnant, then I had a miscarriage. And I haven't been back to the gym since. I would like to be able to get back into the gym, and I've been trying to figure out how I can do that since I don't have a car anymore. Until then, I think I can figure out how to get in my workout at home.

Food journal(and exercise too) everyday- I do so much better eating when I food journal, it's an awesome way to keep me accountable. Hopefully one day soon I can do a video about how I food and exercise journal. 

Vlog everyday- I love vlogging, and this is a good challenge for myself...

Blog 3 days per week- I love writing, I love sharing, Need I say more? 

I got this and I can't wait to come back at the end of the month and tell you all about it! 

Love and hugs,

Sara

Journal Entry From 05/22/2013

Note: I haven't been on to blog in a long while, and while I am going to work on getting back to the grind of it, here is an old entry I wrote and never posted. It was from the day I was baptized. 

Wow, looking through my journal, crazy last 7 months (6 of which I didn't journal) God has done a lot of work in me. 7 months ago to this day I wrote :  "I'll pray about it, maybe my prayers will be answered. I kind of have problems, I don't believe God answers my prayers. Somedays I don't even know if there is a God anymore. I know that this is the time when I need to turn to God the most. Maybe I need to start praying more"

It took 2 months, and an awesome friend coming into my life, and sharing their story, for the wheels to start turning, but 7 months to the day later, here I am, serving an amazing God, who does exist, and loves me so much he sent his son to die for me and my sins.

Today, I was baptized!

Video:   http://youtu.be/LT3lnFmWPBI

Love and hugs,

Sara

Reminiscing of Fatter Days

Watching Louie Anderson the comedian   try to get out of the pool on "Splash" brought me back to my swim team days. That first relay when I didn't have a ladder to use to get me out of the pool and it took 2 people and me trying as hard as we could to get me out if the pool. 

 It felt like a slap in the face, I could have quit that day but I didn't. I don't know if I was ever able to get out on my own, but I do know that I kept swimming and I didn't let my weight and lack of strength stop me.

Yesterday I was at a pool party and I was able to get out of the pool on the side with out the stairs. It was an amazing feeling, but I think I'll use the stairs from now on, I have some really nice cuts on my knees from doing that!

Sometimes you start out thinking that something is impossible, and in the end you learn that it is possible! 

Love and hugs,

Sara

Sad stuff

"I am sorry, but, I don't see anything"

On March 17th 2013, those 8 words changed my life..

Rewind....

February 12th 2013 9:00 pm "Hey babe, I think I should have gotten my period by now, should I take a pregnancy test?" "Yeah."

9:15 pm "Its not going to say "pregnant" its just my body messing with me..."

9:16 pm "OH MY GOD! IT SAYS PREGNANT!" {insert awkward bawling/sobbing}

Our first appointment was on February 21st 2013, I was 5 weeks 6 days (How did I not know I was that pregnant? I found out the first time at 3 weeks 5 days, how did I make it to 5 weeks 1 day this time?)  Our precious baby's heart had just started to beat, so early it could only be seen and not heard. We were to go back in 2 weeks for a repeat ultrasound to check heartbeat.

March 6th 2013 appointment was at 10:30, everything was awesome, baby's heartbeat was 167. we went to lunch with a couple of friends and told them the awesome news. we were home at 12:30 and I was resting in bed. At about 1 pm I felt some wetness and got up to take care of it. I figured it was just the lubricant from the probe. I was wrong. Bright red blood, a lot of it. It was just gushing into the toilet. we called the doctors and they told us to come back. they repeated the ultrasound and said everything was fine, the bleeding is coming from the probe bumping your cervix.

I continued to bleed off and on over the next 10 days, on the 16th I was extremely constipated and needed some relief, I took something that night and finally felt relief, it was very short lived. About 10 minutes later I started having horrible cramps. I took the max dose of Tylenol with no relief. I was in so much pain I was begging my husband to take me to the ER, but he refused. I lay in bed all night, awake with horrible cramps crying, I knew that with the pain and bleeding I was having things weren't going to be alright. At 4 am I passed a large clot. I told my husband that at 6 am we were going to the ER. when we got to the ER I had to wait in triage for about 1/2 an hour, my pain was pretty much gone. when I was finally put in a room, they had me strip down and the doctor came right in. she tried the over the belly ultrasound and didn't see anything, but because I was only 9 weeks 3 days it could have still been a bit to early, so she decided to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. Before she did that she checked my cervix to be sure it was closed, and also removed "debris". When she completed the ultrasound she said "I am sorry, but, I don't see anything"

This time was supposed to be different, this time I was supposed to walk away in 9 months with a precious baby in my arms. Now I have another huge hole in my heart. I don't know if it is better to have gotten pregnant and had the two losses, or to have never gotten pregnant at all. Sometimes the pain of this hurts so bad I can barely breathe. Every day I fear getting pregnant, I honestly don't think I could go through this again. 

Love and Hugs

Sara

W/o the h